My Rules of Being a Pastor’s Wife

Photo by Pragyan Bezbaruah on

I’ll be honest and say that it’s sometimes difficult to concentrate on the blog lately since I’m not feeling too good – so I thought I’d dig back in the archive and post something very different – my pastor’s wife rules. And I had some because I was also the daughter of a pastor’s wife. So here goes.

The question I’ve been asked more than any other question is: How do I act like a pastor’s wife?

This is my answer: DON’T!!!

When someone acts, she plays a role or personifies someone else. You can’t play a role 24/7. Acts come to an end,

I mean, seriously, if I tried to put on the pastor’s wife act, I’d be in BIG trouble!

I can’t play the piano. Well, I take that back. I can play Wonderful Words of Life and Jesus Loves Me. Let’s just say the church music ministry would quickly sink into clanging discord if I had anything to do with it. 

I don’t drink coffee. I don’t care if it’s mocha-rich, cinnamon-flavored, pumpkin latte, brewed in your own state-of-the-art coffee pot – I, who will eat almost anything, can’t handle it.  Five cups of coffee in my entire life. Three at camp one summer, when my cabin of middle schoolers kept me up all night for several nights in a row. I needed something inside of me before I was found hanging off my bunk in pure exhaustion. Two at my neighbor’s house (after she rescued me and my two kids from abandonment when we locked ourselves out of the house.) She insisted I wanted coffee and nothing I did convinced her that I didn’t. After I had choked and gagged my way through one cup, she poured me a second.

I don’t do church kitchens. Well, I will if no one else is around. Or, I might clear off the tables after a potluck dinner or dry a few dishes – but that’s all!  Don’t put me in charge. I just can’t get myself worked up enough to care if there are 327 knives in the drawer instead of the 328 knives that were there at the start of the banquet or that the sink full of dishwater must include a 1/2 cup of soap,  plus 1 tablespoon disinfectant and three tablespoons bleach or whatever the combination is. I simply can’t get motivated to remember the magic mixture.

But I am glad, oh, so glad that there are people with these gifts. (Well, I’m not sure coffee-drinking is a gift, but you get what I’m saying.)

The thing is, there are things I love doing that other people don’t like doing at all. (Give me a class of high school kids or 5th graders or six-year-olds or even middle schoolers and I’m content.)

The point is – I can’t be a piano-playing, coffee-drinking, kitchen-cleaning pastor’s wife because those things aren’t ME!

And I gotta be me.

And you have to be you.

Don’t spend time wandering what a pastor’s wife acts like.

Ephesians 2:10 – For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Think about it – you are God’s workmanship.  You aren’t someone else’s workmanship.

So be yourself.

That’s the way God made you.

And you’re the lady your husband married.

By the way, tea-drinking IS my gift

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